Ella Sinclair’s heartbeat thumped steadily beneath my ear as his hands moved over my body, massaging away the kinks in my overworked muscles. I’d been fading in and out of consciousness for the last hour, floating on a high far different from ether’s. Sinclair told me it wasn’t unusual for she-wolves to enter a heightened plane of consciousness amidst such pleasure, but I was still adjusting to the violent surge of endorphins.
I felt completely boneless in my mate’s arms and didn’t want to move, but my stomach growled, and I sensed Rafe’s hunger through our bond. Sinclair sensed it too, gently untangling our bodies so he could rise. I murmured in complaint, and he kissed my hair, promising to return with food. I snuggled deeper into the plush bedding as his footsteps receded, still reveling in the information revealed during my hypnosis session.
It wasn’t that I found the idea of chosen mates any less romantic or important than fated ones. In fact, I thought chosen mates were more special; their love transcended divine power.
No, Sinclair and I were so happy because this news confirmed what we’d both felt: we were made for each other, and nothing could come between us now that we’d found each other.
This was comforting, and it bolstered our spirits in the face of the war ahead. When Sinclair returned from the kitchen carrying a tray piled high with my favorite foods, I confessed how profoundly the priests’ vision had impacted me.
“I know it was meant to give me hope then, but I think I needed to see it now, too. I needed to know there’s a chance we can beat Damon—that we can be that happy,” I said softly, accepting a bite of strawberry from his hand. “I understand it’s only one possibility, but if we can win this war, that beautiful family, that incredible future, is within our reach… we just have to play the right cards.”
“I needed it, too,” Sinclair admitted, holding a cheese-laden cracker to my lips. I accepted the bite, surprised by his admission of doubt. He was always so confident and in control, and though it seemed counterintuitive, it was comforting to know he worried about our future as much as I did.
“Really?” I asked, after swallowing.
“You and Rafe are my strength, Ella,” Sinclair answered, his voice gravelly. “You’re what keeps me going in my darkest moments. When everything seems wrong, I sleep easy knowing there are at least two things so right it hurts… so much so that I couldn’t go on if anything happened to you.” He offered a tender smile. “You’re not the only one whose world was turned upside down when we met, trouble.”
“That’s why it was so hard for you to let me go,” I assessed, stroking his cheek.
“That, and because I’m a greedy bastard who wants my sweet mate within reach at all times,” Sinclair quipped, half-joking. “But yes, it will be easier to watch you drive away next week knowing our family has a chance to not only survive but thrive and grow even larger and more wonderful.” He sighed, reclining next to me and nibbling a piece of chocolate. “And if I’m being completely honest, it helped convince my wolf that finding your mother is the right move.” A wry canine grin flashed across his gorgeous features. “He doesn’t always respond to logic as easily as I do.”
I chuckled, but my amusement was short-lived. “I wish you could come with me,” I said, gnawing on my lower lip. “It is the right decision, isn’t it?”
I wasn’t sure where this sudden doubt came from, but I realized why I hadn’t acknowledged it before: I needed Sinclair to be on board with the plan before wavering. Now that we were on the same page, the stakes weren’t simply about missing each other or safety; they were about strategic value.
“I’m afraid so,” my mate nodded, offering me another strawberry. “The Goddess set this in motion, and so far she hasn’t led us astray. Everything that’s gone right has been part of her plan, so it makes sense to continue down that path.”
“Okay,” I nodded, feeling the knot in my stomach ease. “I promise I’ll do everything in my power to ensure we have that future together.”
“So will I,” Sinclair vowed. “But we can’t let it make us complacent. You remember what the priests said? There are no guarantees. One wrong move, and it could slip through our fingers.”
“I know,” I confirmed, knowing Sinclair was reminding me because he was afraid it wouldn’t happen. It terrified me, too.
He held up a bite of chicken, but I ignored it, leaning past his hand to steal a kiss. He cradled my head as we kissed, his tongue teasing my lips and delving into my mouth. He tasted me languidly, running his hands over my belly as Rafe fluttered and kicked. The pup had been radiating happiness since the session, feeding off our joy.
When we parted, Sinclair watched me with an intensity beyond affection. “Do you want to talk about the rest of the memory?” he asked.
I exhaled, grabbing the chicken as an excuse to delay my answer. After chewing, I said, “It’s strange. This morning I had no recollection of ever feeling that way. I’ve experienced depressions and low points, of course, but I always thought I pulled through because I had no other choice.” I frowned, not wanting to acknowledge this new window into my past. “But now that the ether has uncovered it, I remember every detail, every ounce of that pain and hopelessness.”
Sinclair hummed in sympathy, feeding me another bite. “I’m so ashamed that I ever considered abandoning Cora,” I confessed, wanting to change the subject. Tears welled, and I didn’t want to trade this warmth for the gloom of my past. Even so, I knew my mate wouldn’t let me avoid this conversation. “I spent so many years wondering what I’d done to deserve my life… why I was being punished. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong, and eventually I told myself it had to be for some larger purpose… that there was a reason I was suffering.” I paused, swiping at a tear. “I told myself I was being challenged so I could grow up and do great things: help others, prevent other children from experiencing the same horrors.”
I shook my head, choking on my next words. “But then one of the boys I considered part of our little orphan pack died. He was only seven, and he’d gone to a foster family a couple of weeks earlier,” I explained, everything rushing back. “They killed him after everything he survived at the orphanage… and suddenly it hit me—none of it was happening for a reason, and I wasn’t special. How could I be, when every child around me was being abused in the same way?”
Sinclair purred, and I heard his wolf whine in my head. I tried to pull back my feelings so they didn’t flow through our bond, but my mate growled in warning, and I surrendered. “His death gutted me. It was proof that there was no hope for any of us—a reminder that too many people never make it to a better life… that people are cruel for cruelty’s sake, and some lives are just short and brutal.” Heaving a shaking breath, I continued, “That was the one time I considered ending it all, and I’m so glad I didn’t.”
Sinclair caressed my hair. “They showed you that you’d been right all along… you were being tested.”
“That isn’t the reason,” I corrected him softly. “Because the rest is still true… the others didn’t have to go through all that. It happened because there are too many broken people in this world, and the vision didn’t change that reality.” I moved my hands to my belly, taking strength from the tiny life within. “I hung on because they showed me I could be happy one day. I saw you and Rafe and the babies we could conceive. It didn’t matter whether I was being tested… I just needed to know there was hope, that things could be different in the future… I wish that every person who feels trapped and without a way out could receive such a gift.”
“Ella, you do realize that you’ve given us all that gift today?” Sinclair asked gently, covering my hand. I blinked in confusion, and he smiled tenderly. “Everyone in this war is struggling to find a light in the darkness, and it’s getting harder every day. But that vision wasn’t just about you and me… it was about the future of the united packs—of our world.” He smiled, gazing at me with so much love my heart felt like it might burst. “Baby, that vision means we can win.”