Neither Jace nor Steve said a word. They just stared at me.
I lifted my head slowly and asked in a daze, โYou donโt know?โ
I tried to sit up. โThen Iโll go find him.โ
โRea,โ Steve pressed me back down. His eyes were red.
I blinked. โWhatโs wrong?โ
Jaceโs voice softened. โHaydenโs already gone.โ
I nodded. โI knowโฆโ I forced a weak smile. โI know heโs goneโฆ thatโs why I need to go be with him.โ
Steveโs grip on my hand tightenedโhard, almost painful. I looked at him. โYouโre hurting me.โ
โReaโฆโ His voice was rough. โYou wonโt see him again.โ
I stared at him, something inside me twisting, clawing, breaking. But I shoved it back down. โI can. Just let me go.โ
โRea,โ Steve said again, his voice desperate.
But I couldnโt stop. I pushed harder against his grip. โLet me go.โ
That raw, desperate need bubbled over, burning in my chest. I had to see him. If I didnโt, Iโd lose what little was left of me.
โYou canโt see him,โ Jace snapped suddenly. He hesitated, then added, โHeโs alreadyโฆ been cremated.โ
I froze.
I stared at Jace, my mouth opening and closing, struggling to make sense of his words.
โJace!โ Steveโs hand tightened on my shoulder. โRea, youโฆ you need to calm down.โ
I turned to Steve, frantic, my eyes pleading with him. โWhat he said isnโtโฆ isnโt true, right?โ
Steveโs red-rimmed eyes filled with sorrow. โRea, if you need to cryโฆ just let it out.โ
But I couldnโt cry. If I cried, it meant I accepted it. And I wouldnโt.
My eyes widened. Without thinking, I shoved him away.
โNo! Youโre lying! Youโre all lying! I donโt believe you!โ
I tried to get up and run, but Steve grabbed me again, his grip unrelenting. I thrashed, fought, clawed at him, but he wouldnโt let go.
The suffocating panic took over. I lashed out, punching him, but it didnโt matter. He didnโt budge.
In a final, desperate move, I bit himโhard.
Steve didnโt even flinch. He just held me.
Eventually, I ran out of strength. My teeth loosened, my hands trembled, and I slumped against him, my fingers still clutching his arm. โPlease donโt be so cruelโฆ Please donโt do thisโฆโ
โYou have to accept it,โ Jace said again.
How could I accept this? Hayden, the man who was so alive just hours agoโholding me, dodging freaking bullets from Brunoโs men, his breath warm on my skin, his heartbeat pounding in my earsโhow could he just be gone?
I turned to Steve, desperate. โTake me to him.โ
I couldnโt hear another word from Jace. His words were too final, too devastating, shattering the last bit of hope I had left.
Steve glanced at Jace, and I jerked him. โSteveโฆโ
He nodded. โAlright, Iโll take you.โ
He helped me to my feet, and we started moving. I didnโt even know where we were going; I just followed.
I wanted to believe Jace was wrong, but deep down, I knew. He wasnโt lying.
With every step, my chest grew heavier.
Then I saw it. A sign. One word.
It stopped me cold.
โDo you still want to go?โ Steve asked quietly, like he could feel the shift inside me.
Yes, I did. I had to see him. One last time. Even if all that was leftโฆ was a handful of ashes.