Never a Substitute – 1

Sebastian’s POV

I jolted awake, sunlight piercing directly into my face. I groaned in agony, my head pounding like someone was using it as a fucking drum. Slowly, I realized I was in Damien’s house. This had always been our arrangement—I had a room at his place, and he had one at mine.

Groaning, I got up and walked to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I stood under the water with my hands braced against the wall, trying to sort through my jumbled thoughts. I barely remembered what happened last night beyond the drinking. How the hell did I even get here?

After realizing I loved Thea, I went straight to the club. I rarely got drunk. Since Leo’s birth, I’d promised myself I’d never get wasted again. Usually, one or two drinks were enough. But yesterday, I really needed the alcohol. I desperately needed it.

The pain I felt had no antidote. No fucking cure. How do you deal with realizing you’re in love with the woman you once hated? The same woman you spent seven years hurting?

I sighed, stepping out of the shower feeling like I’d never been more of a mess. After getting dressed, I went downstairs to find Damien eating breakfast.

“Where’s the housekeeper?” I asked.

“She made breakfast and left. Said she wanted to get to the market early for fresh vegetables.”

“How are you feeling?” Damien asked as I poured myself coffee.

“Like I got hit by a truck.”

Yesterday’s realization made part of me want to rush back to her house immediately and tell her. I would have done it if rationality hadn’t won out. It was too soon to tell her—she wouldn’t believe me anyway.

I’d never been afraid before, but with this new realization, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she felt? Loving me while knowing I hated her?

“About yesterday,” Damien began, “I thought you swore you’d never get drunk again.”

“I know, but I needed it, needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how hard it is to realize I love Thea. All this time I’ve brought her nothing but pain. Knowing I might have lost any chance with her because I couldn’t let go of my resentment is suffocating.”

Every time I picked up Leo and saw her frown at me in disapproval, I pretended not to notice. Or when she sometimes looked at me with hatred and resentment in her eyes. I ignored it, tried not to let it affect me because I craved her. I followed her around like a fucking lost pup, begging for any attention she’d give me. Even the bitter kind, I accepted it because it was the only way to be near her.

I never considered what she went through at my hands. Her coldness now was nothing compared to what I’d done to her. Yet it still fucking hurt. How did she endure me for those seven years?

She wanted nothing to do with me, wished I’d disappear from her life forever. I wanted to give her that because she deserved better, but no matter how fucking hard I tried, I couldn’t let go.

“How did this happen? Last time we talked, you were certain you loved Aurora,” Damien looked completely lost.

“Yeah, but weren’t you the one who kept insisting I had repressed feelings for Thea?”

I remembered how adamant he was about it. Even after countless times I told him I didn’t love Thea, he wouldn’t give up. I guess he knew me better than I knew myself. He saw what I refused to acknowledge.

“My gut told me you loved Thea, and don’t you remember, your wolf and my wolf, they communicate. But your insistence sometimes made me doubt that maybe we were wrong.”

I sighed. “They and you were right. My only wish is that I’d realized it sooner. Maybe then it would be easier to fix what I destroyed.”

I stared into space. Lost in painful memories. Memories where I had her, but I didn’t cherish her; I broke her instead. My actions and words slowly ate away at her heart until there was nothing left.

“Honestly, I really don’t want to be in your shoes,” Damien whistled, and I glared at him. “But you still haven’t answered me. I want to know when it happened? When did you fall in love with her?”

“I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment. Maybe while we were still married, or maybe it was recent. I just know I love her now.”