Pretend It Was She

She blinked, more tears gathering in her eyes, and I stepped forward, my legs trembling.

“I’m sorry, Olivia,” I started, my voice hoarse. “I’m so damn sorry for everything. For every moment I made you feel alone when you were surrounded by people who should have loved you more than life itself.”

I shut the door behind me and leaned against it for a moment, eyes closed, chest rising and falling like I’d just finished a run. Then I forced myself to move.

Louis, who had been quiet, strolled toward me with a suspicious gaze. “You were about to kiss her,” he said, not sounding angry, though. “She is your uncle’s wife, remember?”

My throat tightened as I looked away, blinking hard. The wind rustled the roses behind us, carrying her soft scent mixed with the morning air.

I looked at her but couldn’t understand why the pain and sorrow I had been drowning in just a few minutes ago vanished the moment I saw her, why I felt this was a sign from Olivia telling me she was still out there somewhere, waiting for me to find her.

I stared at this strange lady standing in front of me, with tears in her eyes. She looked nothing like Olivia, but in this moment, she felt like her. Or maybe she was just giving me a chance to pretend—pretend I could say the words I should have said when it mattered.

Lennox’s POV

I stood up slowly, wiping my face with the back of my hand, and walked over to open the door.

She was laughing, holding up a daisy chain she’d made. I stood beside her with an awkward half-smile, one arm resting over her small shoulders. We’d been so different then. So simple. So happy.

“I don’t believe you’re dead,” I whispered brokenly, tightening my grip on the frame. “I don’t. I can’t. It’s not true. Please, Olivia… please—give me a sign. Just something. Anything. Let me know you’re still out there. That I haven’t lost you completely.”

Louis didn’t look angry or surprised; rather, he just said, “The first ceremony is about to begin… we should get ready.”

I didn’t say a word… rather, I just looked away… How do I tell him that in that moment I didn’t see her as Damien’s wife… I strangely saw Olivia standing in her place.

I didn’t think. I stepped closer until I could feel the warmth of her body in the morning air. Slowly, I lifted my hand and brushed my thumb under her eye, wiping away the tears. Her breath caught—a soft, startled gasp—and her eyes snapped up to mine.

“I don’t believe it,” I whispered again, more to myself than her. “I can’t.”

“You want me to say it?” I asked quietly, my voice almost cracking. She didn’t flinch. She just nodded, waiting, patient, like Olivia always was.

For a moment, I didn’t move. Didn’t speak.

I dragged a shaky breath into my lungs. “Okay.”

I stared at the photo, waiting. My room was still. Too still. No whisper. No shift in the air. No flickering lights. Nothing.

I forced myself to meet her eyes again, and the words just poured out of me like I’d been holding them in for a lifetime.

I stiffened.

Rebecca stood before me.

I walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of white pants and a clean white long-sleeved shirt—the color of mourning in our tradition.

“I’m sorry for every night you went to bed crying because I was too stubborn to say I was wrong. I’m sorry for every cruel thing I said—every time I turned my back on you when you needed me the most.”

I nodded, but before I could say anything, she excused herself and turned away. I stood there and watched her hurry off until she disappeared from sight.

She didn’t move. She just watched me with eyes that seemed to see right through me.

She stood there quietly, holding something out toward me.

I turned my head and saw Louis standing there. His eyes darted from me to her, suspicion and confusion mixing in his gaze.

Another knock—gentler this time.

“I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could go back to that little girl crying over a bird and swear to the Moon Goddess that I’d protect you, even if it was from myself. But I didn’t. I let this world eat you alive. I let my pride ruin you. And now I’m here, talking to a stranger in a garden, pretending it’s you—because my heart refuses to let you go.” My chest burned. I didn’t care if my voice broke anymore. I didn’t care if I was acting vulnerable before a lady I just met barely twenty-four hours ago.

A small sound escaped her throat—a choked, broken sound—and I realized she was crying again. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she quickly looked away like she didn’t want me to see.

I wanted to say I didn’t want to go. I wanted to scream that I wasn’t ready. That this wasn’t real.

She swallowed hard, and I saw her lip quiver.

“I don’t believe you’re dead,” I said, my voice shaking but certain. “We’re doing this funeral, we’re dressing you up in lies and goodbyes, but my heart—my heart hasn’t accepted it. It won’t. It keeps telling me you’re still here somewhere, waiting for me to find you and make it right.”

Once I was dressed, I moved to the top drawer of my dresser. Inside was a small photo frame. A picture of us—me and Olivia—when she was just twelve.

“Your handkerchief,” she said softly. “Thank you… for earlier.”

The world seemed to hold its breath with her. I felt it then—that pull. That same magnetic pull I always felt with Olivia, the one that made me want to lean in and steal a kiss I shouldn’t. For a heartbeat, I nearly did.

Instead, I quietly turned and made my way back to my room. My hands trembled slightly as I opened the door and stepped inside the stillness.

Then, just as I was about to set the photo down, a soft knock came at the door.

I sat on the edge of my bed, holding the photo in both hands. My fingers brushed over the glass as if I could feel her through it.

But before I could, I heard footsteps behind me. Heavy, fast, urgent.

But I didn’t.

Rebecca panicked, stepped back, and quickly wiped at her tears. “Sorry I cried… I’m just an emotional person,” she whispered.

I let out a sigh and shook my head. “My mind is messed up.”

A tear slipped down my cheek.

But how do you dress to bury someone who still lives in your heart?