Chapter 191
I woke with a jolt. My mother was standing over me with slightly swollen eyes. “Baby?” I wiped my eyes.
“Mom, is everything okay?” I grabbed for my phone on the table. It was six in the morning, and I wanted to cry. I had finally crawled under the covers at almost midnight, and I loved sleep.
“It’s morning. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I’m heading out.” I sat up and rubbed my eyes again.
“Are you sure?” I reached for her and pulled her down by my legs. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay, baby.” She leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I shouldn’t have come here.” She ran her hands down my hair.
“Of course you can come here, Mom. Any place I am, you can come. Anytime.” I reached for her other hand. “I will never be too old to need my mother.” I smiled at her.
But she shook her head. “No, baby.” She closed her eyes and looked over my shoulder. She was thinking about something. “I was selfish.”
“What do you mean?” I felt her hands convulse in mine.
“If, goddess forbid, your father was actually lost…” She shook her head. “I never should have come here to cry to you. You would have just lost your father, and here I am coming to make the pain so much worse by layering my pain on top of yours. I was selfish last night. Thankfully, your father is still here, and you knew it. But I need to do better.” I watched as her eyes hardened. “I will get back to who I was when your father loved me.”
“He still loves you.” I whispered, and the smile that broke across her face was amazing.
“I know.” She nodded. “I know he loves me, but I’m not the same woman he fell for.”
“You made yourself small.” I leaned into her hand as she cupped my cheek.
“I did,” she agreed.
“Why?” I always wanted to know.
“Because.” She huffed out a breath. “The men in Vince’s pack expect weak or stupid women. They need the women who fall in line and don’t question their decisions, or else they feel small and lash out.” Her eyes found mine. “I made myself small so that you would learn to make yourself small.” I felt a tear hit our entwined hands. “And I’m sorry for it. I never wanted you to make yourself small, but to survive in this pack, we needed to.” I felt her squeeze my hand, and I nodded.
“Yeah.” I thought back to my first life, and she was right. The men in Vince’s pack expect dumb or weak women, including their Luna.
“I feel like you made yourself small in your first life. Small enough that even Shannon felt big enough to walk all over you, and I am so sorry for that.”
“Don’t be.” I shifted and leaned my head against her shoulder. “Without my first life, I would never have made it this far in this life. Without being small, I wouldn’t have realized just how big I could be, how strong I could be, how powerful I could be.” I drew in a deep breath. “Without being with Brandon and losing my child, my life, my everything, I would have never realized what kind of man I want in my life.” My mind flashed to Rowan, and I felt my heart break a little. “And I wouldn’t have realized what I was willing and not willing to accept from my mate. I needed to learn everything Brandon and my baby offered so that this time around, I could have my Lycan, my wolf, and my power. This time around, I could be as strong as I was without any of the excuses or the expectations to make myself smaller.” I nudged her. “I need to find the courage to be who the goddess needs me to be, so I don’t regret it. You taught me what I needed to learn, when I needed to learn it.”