Chapter 283
I was out there for over an hour before someone came out and checked on me. I had zoned out, sinking deep into the rage I had pushed away as I dug into the soft dirt. Every time I blinked, my mind flashed to Carl’s last breath, me looking up to seek my friends, my people, and having my eyes fall on Rowan. “So fucking stupid,” I mumbled to myself.
I gave a soft sigh. “I should have figured you were out here brooding.” Toya sat at the edge of my hole. I kept digging, ignoring her words. I wasn’t brooding. I was digging a grave. I must have mumbled exactly that, because Toya chuckled. “Two things can be true at the same time.”
I snapped my head up and pointed at her. “Shut up.” She raised her hands in surrender, and I had to close my eyes and clench my jaw. “Sorry.” But I turned back to digging.
She sighed again. “Amy…”
“No.” I wouldn’t let her finish.
“Just listen to me.” She huffed, and I slammed my shovel into the ground.
“Fine. Say what you came out to say and be done with it.” I glared up at her and she shook her head.
“You’re angry at him because he kept his wolf hidden from you.” She said it as a statement, not a question, so I didn’t say anything. She raised her brow and then continued. “But you and Nix did the same to him. If you were both honest with each other, none of this would have happened. I get that you’re mad that he didn’t tell you, but—”
“No.” I yelled, surprising her. “I’m not mad that he turned out to be Erubus. Goddess, if it was just that, I would have been happy. Ecstatic, even. Nix had set her eyes on him, and I…” I trailed off as I felt my tears burn behind my eyes. “I wanted Rowan. I wanted him so fucking desperately, I begged him. Begged him to help me.” I felt a traitorous tear fall, and I slapped it away, smearing dirt onto my face. “But he left me. They left me. The male that we both chose turned his back on me, and even then I would have still been excited.” I leaned against the wall of the hole.
“But?”
“But now, the man I loved, because I was in love with him, as stupid as it sounds, and the wolf that Nix was set on just told the entire kingdom that he is engaged.” I looked up at her and felt more tears fall. “He said I was his. I was his, but his wolf was set on another. And I was sad, but understood cause Nix felt the same way. But the man I want and the wolf she wants is the same fucking person, and instead of getting to have my happily ever after, I get to find out that he is engaged?”
Toya looked down at me. “It’s been years.”
“Yes.” I wiped the tears again. “It has, and I know in my head I can’t be mad. Okay. I know this is stupid.” I grabbed the shovel. “But he was supposed to wait.” There, I said it. “He was supposed to follow the plan and wait. He was supposed to pretend to date these fucking women and then we were supposed to take down the corrupt and then figure everything else out.”
“Amy.” I watched as she looked down at me and I felt my anger bubble again.
“Look, I already told you I know it’s stupid. My head is saying one thing, but my heart is saying another.” I started to dig again. “That’s why I walked away from him. I couldn’t face him. Not that second. At that moment, I felt like he had lied to me all over again. That he walked away from me when I needed him, again.” She made a noise. “You are supposed to be on my side. You’re supposed to be my friend.”
She stood. “And I am. But I wouldn’t be your friend if I didn’t question you.” She turned. “You both have your own things going on. And you both have your own plans.” She looked over her shoulder back at me. “Maybe, just maybe, think on that before you write him off completely.” Then she walked away from me, and my hole.
I snarled as I started digging again. Fuck her. Fuck her and everyone else.
She has a point, Megan whispered to me, earning a snarl from both Nix and I. You can be mad at me if you want, but think about our plans.
Shut it, Nix snarled.
But Megan shook her fur out and moved closer to Nix. No. You always taught me to stand up for my opinion. To make sure you two listen. So that’s what I’m doing.