Jamison placed his hand gently on Ivy’s stomach. He thought, "This is my own flesh and blood. If I can’t meet this child yet, maybe I can at least say hello from afar." His palm moved slowly over her belly, caressing it, then giving it a soft, almost apologetic pat.
But after just a moment, he pulled his hand away. Looking directly at Ivy, he said, “Honey, we can’t keep this baby.”
The happiness on Ivy’s face froze in an instant. Shock flickered across her features, confusion welling in her eyes. But then, as her gaze shifted, understanding dawned.
Of course. Jamison had said it before – even if she got pregnant now, it couldn’t happen. She’d just undergone a splenectomy. Never mind the cocktail of drugs she’d been given during the surgery, her fractured tailbone alone meant her body couldn’t handle the pressure of a growing uterus later on. And all those medications she’d been taking recently – they could harm the baby, maybe even cause severe birth defects.
Jamison saw the light drain from her face, saw her fall silent, and knew how much this hurt her. He took her hand in his, squeezing gently, his voice soft and coaxing. “Ivy, your body just isn’t ready for a pregnancy right now. After the splenectomy, you’ll need at least three months to recover, to adapt to living without that organ. You’ll still need medication during that time. And your tailbone–it’s healing well, but still…”
She cut him off before he could finish. “Isn’t there any way? Anything at all? I’m worried that if I don’t have this baby now, I might never get another chance.”
Jamison felt a little relief that she was still being rational and squeezed her hand a bit tighter, trying to reassure her. “Of course you’ll have another chance. If you can get pregnant now, after some time and proper treatment, it’ll only get easier.”
Ivy looked at him, doubt clouding her eyes. She’d always believed that some things just came down to fate. Maybe if she missed this chance, it would be gone forever.
The silence stretched between them. Then Ivy remembered the dream she’d had the night before. “Last night, I dreamed I was holding twins – a boy and girl. They clung to me, like kittens nuzzling up to their mother, calling, ‘Mommy, Mommy…’” As she spoke, her voice trembled and her eyes filled with tears. “But then…”
“What happened?” Jamison’s voice was gentle.
“Then they just vanished. I searched everywhere, all night… but I couldn’t find them.” Jamison’s heart ached for her. She must have sensed everything even before he said it.
The tension between them was almost suffocating. For the first time, Ivy realized she wasn’t always as rational as she thought. She desperately wanted to take the risk, to see if maybe, just maybe, this child could make it, could come into the world healthy and whole.
But Jamison saw right through her. Even before she could say it, he gently shattered her last hope. “Even if you don’t end the pregnancy now, there’s no guarantee the baby will survive.”
“What do you mean?”
“Some of my colleagues told me – the meds you’ve taken include several that are strictly forbidden during pregnancy. And after your fall, you had a bunch of scans with radiation. That’s dangerous for anyone, let alone a developing baby. And you’re bleeding now, right? Bleeding early in pregnancy often means a miscarriage could be coming. I’m also worried it could be an ectopic pregnancy – which would be even more dangerous. So, we need to do an ultrasound soon. If there’s a problem, we have to act fast.”
Ivy’s mind went blank. She’d only just found out about this child, and now she was already losing it? She knew, rationally, that keeping the baby wasn’t an option. But for it all to happen so suddenly – she could hardly bear it.
“Jamison…” Her brow furrowed in anguish, her voice almost pleading. “Can’t we wait just a couple of days? I’m already in the hospital – if anything happens, the doctors are right here.”