Chapter 7: Useless Daughter

Even without her hearing aid, Cecilia usually perceived faint sounds. She struggled to rise, grabbed her medicine from the nightstand, and swallowed a pill. It was bitter and dry. After leaving Daltonia Villa, her home for the past three years, she returned to her own house. Reaching the doorway, she overheard Paula and Magnus.

“Why did I bear such a useless daughter?” Paula raged. “Three years, and Nathaniel still hasn’t touched her! She’s not even a complete woman, and now she’s thinking of divorce!”

Paula’s words felt like daggers. Cecilia was confused. What constituted a “complete woman” in her mother’s eyes? Her husband’s affection? Childbearing? Magnus’s words were even more cutting.

“She doesn’t even seem like a Smith,” he said. “I heard Nathaniel’s first love is back. Even without a divorce, she’ll be cast out. We should plan accordingly. Didn’t Mr. Larke’s wife recently die? Even with her hearing problems, Cecilia is more than a match for that eighty-year-old…”

Cecilia’s gaze emptied as she recalled their hurtful words. She forced herself to dismiss them, picking up her phone to find an unread message. She instinctively assumed it was from Nathaniel, but it was from Norman.

“Ceci,” the message read, “I’ve given the transfer agreement to Nathaniel, but his attitude wasn’t good. Focus on yourself.”

Cecilia replied, “Thank you. I will.”

A hollow feeling followed. She wanted to return Nathaniel’s assets, not out of nobility, but to sever all ties. Unfortunately, she couldn’t match the prenuptial agreement's terms, potentially branding her a fraud. Despite two days without food, Cecilia felt no hunger. Everything was too quiet; the silence suffocated her. She’d taken her hearing aids and medicine, yet heard nothing. Fearing she’d miss Nathaniel’s call regarding the divorce, she went to the hospital.

A basic examination revealed dried blood in her ear canal. That day, her hearing gradually returned.

“What’s happening? How long has this been going on?” the doctor asked.

“Since birth,” Cecilia admitted.

The doctor, seeing a young woman in her prime, felt pity. “Miss, frankly, if this continues, you may go completely deaf. Even hearing aids might not help.”

Hope drained from Cecilia’s eyes. A lump formed in her throat, unswallowable, uncoughed. She remained silent. The doctor looked towards the door.

“Did you come alone? Where is your family?”

Family. Cecilia thought of her dismissive mother, her brother eager to marry her off to an elderly man, her husband of three years who despised her, and her father’s sorrowful face as he lay dying. She understood then why, despite excruciating pain and medical devices after his accident, Regas had clung to life. He hadn’t wanted to leave her alone, familyless.

Suppressing the dryness in her throat, Cecilia replied, “They’re gone.”

A light drizzle began as she left the hospital. Tudela’s rain seemed heavier this year. People hurried by in pairs and groups; Cecilia was alone. Stepping into the rain, directionless, and facing the possibility of deafness, she bought a ticket out of town, heading to Martha Holmes, her longtime housekeeper.

It was nine o'clock when she reached the old brick house, hesitant to knock. She had always rushed her visits, too busy tending to Nathaniel. As she hesitated, the door opened, spilling warm light. Martha’s face lit up.

“Ceci…”

Tears welled in Cecilia’s eyes at the sight of Martha’s kind smile. She embraced her. “Martha…”

Martha, unmarried and childless due to health issues, was closer to Cecilia than her own mother. Sensing Cecilia’s pain, Martha patted her shoulder. “What happened, Ceci?” Cecilia rarely showed vulnerability; the last time was when Regas died.

Shaking her head, Cecilia said, “Nothing. I just missed you.”

Martha, understanding Cecilia's reluctance, didn’t press. “I missed you too.”

Noticing Cecilia was soaked, Martha ushered her inside for a hot bath. That night, Cecilia nestled into Martha's embrace as she had in her youth. Martha felt Cecilia's terrifying thinness. Her hand trembled as she touched Cecilia’s back.

“Ceci, is Nathaniel treating you well?” Martha asked cautiously.

Nathaniel’s name tightened Cecilia’s throat. She wanted to lie, to tell Martha Nathaniel was good to her, but she knew Martha wasn't foolish. Having decided to leave, she wouldn't deceive herself or those who loved her.

“His first love is back. I'm divorcing him.”

Martha was stunned. Cecilia had always spoken of growing old with Nathaniel. Seeing Martha's silence, Cecilia hugged her tighter. “Martha, could I be like you?” Forever unmarried, forever alone. As Nathaniel once said, “Grow old in solitude.”

Martha's heart ached. “Silly girl, don’t talk nonsense. You have a long life ahead. Even if you leave Nathaniel, someone else will love you.”

Cecilia nodded, but the ringing in her ears drowned out Martha’s words. After a decade of one-sided love, she knew better than anyone how difficult it was to love someone. How could she be worthy of anyone else’s affection? Tears streamed down her face. The next morning, Cecilia awoke confused, unsure why she was there.