Trigger Warning: This chapter contains references to abuse and sexual assault. While nothing explicit is described, reader discretion is advised.
Sinclair
Ella’s small body is rigid in my arms, even though we’re in her favorite place. I’ve only bathed with her once before, but it was obvious how much she loves bubble baths. She takes at least four a week, and even when upset, she’ll bathe after showering. Before speaking with Cora about Ella’s self-care routines, I didn’t understand the connection to her childhood neglect. Now I know, and I’m determined never to deprive her of this comfort, even if it bankrupts me.
“Are you ready to talk, sweetheart?” I ask, resting my hands on her round tummy. I feel the baby’s stress, a fresh wave of worry washing over me. Rafe is clearly channeling his mother’s anxieties. Ella doesn’t respond, so I continue, realizing she won’t relax until she knows I won’t reject her. “Sweetheart, it never even crossed my mind to end things. I love you.”
Her muscles tense further. “But… you left!” she stammers, turning to look at me.
“I’m sorry I walked out,” I reply gently, stroking her cheek. “But it wasn’t because I doubted us.” I watch her carefully, wondering how she’ll react. I know some abuse survivors see any confrontation as a threat, but Ella has weathered my anger before without showing trauma responses. “I was angry that you felt you weren’t contributing enough, and my wolf lost control when you said you couldn’t be my Luna. The thought of losing you pushed me over the edge, and I needed to calm down before continuing.”
Her brow furrows as she grapples with her emotions. “Dominic, I didn’t just think you might end things,” she whispers, staring at the water. “I wasn’t sure you’d come back… I think… I think I have abandonment issues I wasn’t aware of. Mike’s betrayal and discovering I’m a wolf have brought them to the surface.”
Understanding dawns, and I gently turn her so she faces me. I pull her close, lowering myself so she can sit on my lap. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I say, kissing her head and stroking her spine. “I shouldn’t have left you when you were already upset. I don’t trust myself when I’m that angry. I wouldn’t make a pack ruling or deliver punishment in a rage. Taking space can be healthy, but maybe we can find ways to take breaks without so much physical distance.” “But even if we can’t, know that no matter how far I go, or how long I stay away, I’ll always come back to you, Ella.”
Ella whimpers, her arms tightening around me. “Thank you,” she hiccups. “And I’m sorry I said I couldn’t be your Luna, but you have to admit I’m not pulling my weight. This isn’t the first time I’ve failed you.”
“Ella, look at me.” I lift her chin, meeting her gaze. “First, you take care of me constantly. You saved my campaign. You calm me when I’m a monster. You stand up to bullies like the Prince and Lydia, and you share my burdens even when I don’t want you to. Moreover, I need to dominate my mate. It’s in an Alpha’s nature to nurture and protect. If you didn’t let me comfort you, I’d be a mess.”
Ella frowns. “But I didn’t let you. I panicked.”
“That’s the other thing,” I sigh, remembering the terror on her face when I suggested tying her up. I’ve growled and grumbled at Ella countless times. I’ve disciplined her without issue; usually, her wolf responds to my dominance positively. “I think we both know this wasn't random. I triggered something, didn't I?”
I hold her chin, but her eyes avoid mine. A slight nod, then her vulnerable gaze returns. “Do we have to talk about it?”
I wish I could say no, but I know that wouldn’t help. “We’re in a sexual relationship, Ella. I can’t avoid your triggers if I don’t know what they are,” I reason. “Burying these things only makes them worse.”
Tears well in her eyes, and I hate causing her pain. “Do we have to talk about it now?”
“I think so,” I say gravely. “It’s never going to hurt less, and the sooner you tell me, the sooner it will be over.”
Ella nods, resting her cheek on my chest as she begins to speak. “The orphanage had age-segregated dormitories. The youngest shared a room, and we moved up as we got older. Cora’s a year older, but when she turned eleven and was to move to the older girls’ dorm, we panicked. We’d always been together, and she had nightmares—most nights. She was afraid the older girls would tease her, and I didn’t want her alone. I made a fuss so I could move with her.”
“I was surprised how easily they agreed. The matron seemed pleased to have me,” Ella pauses, taking a breath. “She always told me how pretty I was… that she’d had her eye on me. I didn’t understand, but she made me uneasy. Now I think that’s why I was so determined to stay with Cora… my instincts warned me the new dorm wasn’t safe.”
As Ella speaks, my wolf’s growl intensifies, becoming vicious and uncontrolled. We both know what’s coming, and I doubt I can remain calm.
“The first night seemed normal. Lights out was eight. But at midnight, everything changed. I woke up with Cora beside me, and everyone else was gone.”
“They were hiding—behind curtains, in cupboards, furniture… anywhere they could,” Ella explains hoarsely. “I tried to ask what was happening, but no one answered. I knew something was wrong, so I woke Cora and told her to hide. She climbed into the laundry basket; I got under my bed.”
“The matron came in, silent. She began searching. She must have been excited about new children, because she found some of the older girls and ignored them. She’d open a cupboard, peer inside, and cluck when she saw a trembling child, then close it… Then she found Cora.”
Ella’s eyes are closed. I try to calm myself, to offer comfort, but it’s difficult. “I didn’t know what would happen, but every instinct screamed alarm. I knew it was bad and didn’t want Cora hurt. So I jumped out and made sure she saw me. I told her… I told her to take me instead.”