Chapter 167 – Going to Bed Angry

Ella

After dinner with Cora, I visited the palace library, seeking any excuse to avoid Sinclair while I processed my feelings. My sister's troubles with Roger provided some distraction, but I wasn't sure a distraction was what I needed. My anger and frustration with my mate hadn't lessened, and I hadn't had a chance to fully consider our conversation.

I browsed the bookshelves absentmindedly, more preoccupied with my thoughts than the selection. Eventually, I spotted a Vanaran history book on the top shelf, piquing my curiosity. I longed to learn more about this mysterious territory, but it was too high, and there was no ladder. If my mate were here, he could easily reach it for me, but he wasn't.

And he wouldn't be. My wolf pouted. He's leaving, and we'll have to get used to doing things on our own again.

I felt ashamed of my reliance on a man, especially after a lifetime of self-sufficiency. It felt ridiculous to need another person to solve this problem. Licking my lips, I quickly assessed the shelves and searched for a chair.

Finding a plush armchair, I pulled it to the bookshelf and climbed onto it, kneeling on the cushioned seat. After ensuring my balance, I slowly got my feet underneath me, but still couldn't reach the top shelf. Testing one foot on the armrest, I confirmed the chair wouldn't tip. Stretching as far as I could, my fingertips only grazed the book's spine, and I huffed in frustration.

Keeping one foot on the armrest, I balanced the other on a shelf, pushing myself up to grasp the book. Just as my fingers neared the old leather cover, a booming voice shattered the silence.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Dominic demanded, his disapproval hitting me hard.

Yelping in surprise, I lost my balance and began to fall backward. I tried to hang on, but my fingers slipped. I used my free arm to protect my belly as I fell. I saw a blur of motion, and strong arms caught me. Gasping for air, I looked up at my mate with relief, quickly replaced by outrage. "Why would you startle me like that!" I exclaimed, swatting his chest.

Sinclair's intense gaze pierced me, and I felt the weight of his anger. "Is that really what you want to say to me right now?" he asked ominously, his concern evident even as Alpha authority chastised me through our bond. "Goddess, Ella. Were you trying to break your neck?"

"I would have been fine if you hadn't snuck up on me!" I argued, trying to wriggle free. But he only held me tighter.

"You shouldn't climb on anything, especially alone. That chair could have tipped, or you could have simply lost your balance. You risked yourself and the pup," he lectured, carrying me toward our room.

Guilt washed over me, not for myself, but for my baby. The last thing I wanted was to endanger Rafe. I rubbed my belly, sensing his mood. I felt uncertainty, but not from any harm I'd inflicted; he was reacting to my guilt and Sinclair's anger. "I'm sorry," I whispered, unsure if I was apologizing to my pup or my mate. "I wasn't thinking; I just wanted a book."

Sinclair rumbled wordlessly, suspicion in his growl. "Are you sure about that? Are you sure you weren't trying to get back at me for leaving you behind?"

"What, by injuring myself?" I scoffed, finding the suggestion absurd, though I knew he wasn't entirely wrong.

"No," Sinclair corrected sternly. "But you warned me your wolf wouldn't obey anyone but me. Maybe this was your way of proving it—making me think you'll get into too much trouble without me."

My sly wolf pondered. Maybe it's not too late to change his mind. She had a point, but that wasn't what happened, and Sinclair would know if I lied. "I didn't even know you were there," I said sulkily. "And not everything is about you, Dominic," I added spitefully, trying to drown out my tangled emotions—sadness, worry, anger, and resentment muddling my mind.

As if to prove my hormonal state, my irritation shifted to regret and guilt at Sinclair's displeasure. Is there a worse feeling than your mate's anger and disappointment?

I didn't realize I'd sent the question through our bond until Sinclair's wolf replied: How do you think I feel? His arms tightened. But there is a worse feeling: failing to protect them when they need you.

My heart softened, especially sensing his distress at my unhappiness. My guilt intensified, tears stinging my eyes. Overwhelmed, unable to articulate my feelings, and wanting to prevent chaotic emotions from reaching him through the bond, I erected a mental barrier.

Sinclair frowned, disliking my withdrawal. Still, he didn't complain. Reaching our room, he asked, "If it wasn't about me, then what was it?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I sniffled, wallowing in self-pity. "I just want to go to bed."

Sinclair settled on the couch, pulling me onto his lap. "We're not going to bed angry, little wolf," he said firmly but gently.

"But I want to be angry with you," I retorted petulantly, aware of how childish I sounded, but not caring. "It's your fault I've become so needy and dependent. I used to do everything myself, and now I can't even get a book without help."

"Mmm," Sinclair purred sympathetically. "And my departure has highlighted that, hasn't it?" He nodded. "I hate to say it, but that still sounds like it's about me, trouble."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," I repeated stubbornly, trying to stand.

Surprisingly, he let me, but then trapped me between his legs, his hands on my hips. "Ella, I'm leaving the day after tomorrow."

My knees wobbled. "So soon?"

"There's no time to waste," he confirmed gravely. "And I don't want to go without settling things between us. I know you want to prove you can handle the challenges of being Luna, but that's obviously not everything." He assessed me shrewdly, softening as he stroked my hair. "I can't make it better if you don't tell me what's bothering you, baby."

Looking into his deep green eyes, I felt lost. A contrary part of me didn't want him to fix it. Asking for help would mean relying on him again.

There was no right answer. Staying behind meant facing the challenge of getting through the day without my mate. Going with him offered a chance to prove myself, but also meant staying in the safe cocoon of his protection. Which was worse?

"This isn't going to get better, Dominic," I finally replied, hugging myself. "I don't want you to go without me. I'm no use to you or the pack if I'm here alone." I took a shaky breath. "And it scares me to realize how much I need you, not just because it makes me vulnerable, but because you're going into danger, and I'm terrified that if something happens and I'm not with you…" I trailed off, unable to express my emotions.

Sinclair exhaled deeply and stood, his thumb stroking my cheek. "And that's what I'm afraid of," he admitted. "If something happens to me, I want you as far away from that danger as possible."

I gnawed my lip, tears welling. "Then there's really no way I can change your mind?" "No, Ella," Sinclair confirmed. "My mind is made up." He towered over me, his wolf flashing in his eyes. "Now, about this climbing bookcases business…"