Chapter 241

My past with Jace had left deep scars. I needed to know—was I truly unappealing? Could a man hold me like this without feeling anything? Could he resist me so easily?

“Hayden,” I whispered, my hand sliding up his back, pulling him closer. My nails dug in slightly.

His body stiffened, and he inhaled sharply. “Kiki…”

I pressed against him, aware he could feel the softness of my skin beneath my freshly laundered nightgown. If he could still walk away, I’d have to accept my failure.

“Kiki,” he said, his voice tight, before abruptly pulling away. His hands gripped my shoulders; his head was down, his breathing ragged, as if he’d just run a marathon. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he trembled. He looked utterly exhausted.

My own feelings were a confusing mix of embarrassment and boldness.

“It’s late,” Hayden muttered, stepping back, ready to flee.

A wave of anger and humiliation washed over me. “Hayden, it’s late, and you’re leaving? Is it because you can’t, or because you don’t want me?”

He froze, one foot already across the threshold. After a moment, he turned back.

I couldn’t see myself, but I knew I looked a mess—red-eyed and pale. Humiliation wrecked me.

Hayden met my gaze, his eyes intense and stormy. With a swift movement, he shut the door and pulled me close, his lips crashing onto mine.

The heat surged through me as he kissed me fiercely, his hand tangling in my hair, tilting my head back. His grip was firm, as if he couldn’t get close enough. I was consumed by a fire I’d never known, experiencing a passion I’d only dreamed of.

“Kiki, is this okay?” Hayden’s voice, rough and shaky, was close to my ear.

His words jolted me back to reality. Was it?

I remembered my mother's talk before my parents died. I was twelve, my body changing. She’d told me about my body, relationships, and boys; that I shouldn't let a boy touch me unless I was ready to trust him completely, and only after being sure he deserved that trust.

Was I ready to trust Hayden with my whole life? I wanted him tonight, but a lifetime felt immense, distant, and uncertain.

Chapter 241 (Continued)

Suddenly, I wasn't sure. My hesitation must have startled him. He gently brushed his cheek against my hair. “Let’s wait a little longer.”

My mind raced. I was speechless.

“But you need to know,” he said, his voice low and rough, “It’s not that I can’t, or that I’m not into you. I just want to wait until you’re sure before we take the next step.”

His words stung with a mix of emotions: tenderness, excitement, embarrassment, and a touch of hurt.

What was I doing? Was I trying to test Hayden's feelings, using this to gauge his love for me, in the same way Jace, who didn't love me enough, never acted like this? Why did I think it was acceptable to put Hayden in that position?

In that moment, I realized my own stupidity and cluelessness. Hayden was responsible and honorable. If he were the type to take advantage, I would be the one hurt. I was grateful for his self-control and deeply regretted my impulsiveness.

I pushed him away and fled to my bedroom, feeling like I was escaping. Hayden’s soft laughter followed me. “I’m heading out. Don’t forget to drink the oatmeal.”

I couldn’t respond.

Chapter 242