Chapter 405
Ryan finally had the guts to ask me out, and I instantly broke out in a cold sweat. I knew Ryan really liked me—you can’t fake that look in his eyes. Right now, I had zero romantic fantasies; all I cared about was staying alive. “I’m not ready for this so soon,” I said, my gaze flickering. Ryan froze, then said, sounding a bit wounded, “You got together with Nathan pretty soon after your divorce, didn’t you?” I couldn’t argue with that. He was right. “Ryan, do you know what it really means if I stay?” I asked, locking eyes with him.
“It means I’m gonna step up and take responsibility for you like a real man,” Ryan said with a smile. “I’m ready for that.” My heart was in chaos, and I just couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. When Ryan smiled like that, he was dangerously charming—like a devilishly handsome trickster who could mess with your head. I always thought I was pretty rational about love, but turns out, I’m not exactly a saint myself. Guess being hopelessly drawn to whoever catches my eye is just in my DNA. If things go south, I’ve got no one to blame but myself—it’s all on me, every step, every decision. “Spacing out again?” Ryan sounded a little annoyed, cupping my cheeks in his hands. “Vic, are you worried I’m not mature enough? That I’ll just hit it and quit it?” I almost burst out laughing. Honestly, if anyone’s gonna ghost after, it might be me. “I still can’t do this. It’s just too fast for me,” I said, not even caring if he got mad. It’s not like we could really go any further anyway. Staying friends, or keeping things in this almost–lovers, not–quite–there stage, is probably the best ending for us. If we actually cross that line, who knows what kind of mess we’ll end up in? “You don’t like me, do you?” Ryan let go of my face and turned away. “Both those guys you were with before—way more attractive than me. You still think I’m just a kid, right?”
Seeing how crushed Ryan looked, I felt a wave of guilt. “No, Ryan, it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s just… I’m really not good enough for you. If we get together, people will just laugh at you. I’ll only add more fuel to the gossip and make you the center of everyone’s rumors.” “You’re really thinking about me? So it’s not that you don’t like me?” Ryan totally missed my point. I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could say anything, Ryan’s face lit up with joy, and he pulled me into a tight hug. “Vic, I knew you cared about me.” His sudden hug totally threw me off—I had no idea how to react. “Alright, as long as you like me, even just a little, I’ll go along with whatever you say,” Ryan said, grinning like he’d just won the lottery. “So, um… tonight…” I stammered, nerves getting the best of me. “If you don’t want to stay, I’ll drive you home. I won’t force you,” Ryan said, his eyes so sincere it was almost dazzling. A sudden ache hit me. If Ryan ever found out that I was being threatened by Uncle Ryan, and that I was about to go along with a setup to push him out, how much would it break him? What was I doing? I was hurting a heart that was nothing but sincere. Maybe after this blow, Ryan would lose faith in love altogether, and his heart would turn cold and distant. Just thinking about it made it hard to breathe. “Ryan, if… if one day I did something that hurt you, would you hate me?” I asked, as if I was seeking forgiveness before the crime. “That depends on how you hurt me,” Ryan said, with a playful look. I said seriously, “What if I abandoned you? What if I betrayed you?” Ryan paused, stopping in place, and looked at me quietly. I walked a few steps ahead, then turned back to glance at him. Ryan’s clear eyes seemed like they were turning to ice, and his voice grew colder. “Would you?” I swallowed hard and shook my head. “I don’t know. Sometimes life puts us in impossible situations. Maybe I’d end up hurting you without meaning to.”