Chapter Eighty-Nine: I Need Her More Than I Like To Admit

Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t manage to fall asleep. Once I slipped into slumber, the nightmares commenced. Some involved making up and searching for Alyssa, but she wasn't in them. The only person I can hold accountable is myself. I let out a sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. Trying again was pointless; I was drenched in sweat from the nightmares.

I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to a cold shower to freshen up. I leaned against the wall and shut my eyes. When did I start relying so heavily on having someone by my side? Had Alessa been here, I would have slept well. I deliberately stayed in the shower a long time, pulling my fingers and a bend. Various thoughts crossed my mind, but my only desire was to be with Ahwa. That's what I'm trying to do. She told me no, but she should know I don’t do well with loneliness.

I grabbed my car keys and wallet before making my way to her place. I’ll be there in no time. She might not be jumping to see me, but I will take whatever she throws my way. She will forgive me and allow me to start over. She doesn't have to be informed about the night, but there’s a rush of adrenaline finding a parking spot. Thank God I have what I need to get inside. She handed me a key a couple of weeks back at my request. Since she has the spare key to my house and apartment, why shouldn’t I have the same courtesy? I hope I don’t startle her when I come in. Except for the light in the hallway, the entire building is plunged into darkness. It’s three in the morning; everyone is asleep.

I let myself into the building and rushed straight to her apartment, quietly unlocking the door. I removed my shoes before making my way into her bedroom. She has the hall light on; if she’s by herself at home, she typically does. I opened the door slightly and saw her curled up in bed, fast asleep, serene. I paused to admire her before gently getting into bed and caressing her cheek.

Despite stirring, she didn’t wake up. I leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. I reached for the bedside lamp. “Hey, beautiful. Is it breakfast time already?”

“No. The time is… three in the morning.” Slowly sitting up, she looked at me with confusion. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“I couldn’t sleep and needed to see you.” She runs her fingers through her hair and hugs her knees to her chest. “Nightmares? Please, don’t be angry.” She whispered.

Terrified, every inch of me ached to hold her. The understanding, they say, is when you are next to one another. If you want me to go home, it is okay. I licked her hip lightly and pulled her towards me. Alyssa whimpered at the touch. She doesn’t want anyone else. I’m choosing not to press the subject and start by kissing her. I captured her lips with my own, the tension palpable. Alyssa’s legs intertwined with mine.

Damn it! I wish she hadn’t stopped, but what can I do? I respect her choice, and I would never even think about coercing her. “Okay, angel. Whatever you want.”

She planted a kiss on my cheek before turning away from me. She hasn’t fully forgiven me yet. I am aware of this because she never cuddles into me as closely as she normally does. She needs time, something I need to give her. She turned her back on me while sleeping.

I wrapped my arm around her and drew her close to me. Her body perfectly fit in the curves of mine. I interlocked our fingers and nestled my face in her shoulder. “Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Wyan. I hope you can get some sleep, too,” she whispered, squeezing my hand.

Alyssa quickly fell back asleep. I got lost in my thoughts. I need to find a way to make it right with her. A good starting point would be to apologize to Oliver. I’ll figure out the best approach. I hope we can avoid any awkwardness or distance between us.

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, attempting to clear my thoughts, hoping for sleep to come. I’m hoping I can finally get some sleep with her beside me. Alyssa is the first person who has made me feel truly secure. My parents gave me security too, but not in the same manner as she does.

A couple of hours of sleep is more than enough for me. I am uncertain how I feel about my need to be with Aly. It’s not something I’ve been familiar with over the years. I gradually began to be overtaken by sleep. Thank God.