Chapter 433

I shook my head, then waved my hands. “It’s impossible, though.” I forced a laugh. “I’m not a queen…” I looked away from her. “And we must have scented each other properly at least once. Like you said, I probably just forgot.”

“Well, what did Rowan say whenever he scented you?” She looked at her hand. “When he smelled you and assumed your scent was real?”

“He always said that I smelled wrong. Same with Erubus whenever he scented Nix.”

My mom sucked in a breath through her teeth. “I want to lie to you to make yourself feel better, but if he thought your scent was wrong, or if you never smelled like his mate, he would have never released his scent to you, baby.”

I watched her for a minute. “So you’re saying we don’t actually know if we are mates or not?” She shook her head slowly. “You are saying there is a tiny fucking chance that I am mated to Rowan? Who’s engaged to a witch?”

“Amy!” my mom admonished me, but I waved my hands.

“I’m not calling her a name, Mom; she’s an actual witch.” I closed my eyes. “Please tell me you are wrong.”

My mom sighed. “I wish I could, baby. But I would never lie to you. There is a chance, but maybe you were both right the first time around. But why is it bothering you so much?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn’t. My eyes danced back and forth, but I just raised my shoulder.

You know the answer, Amy. Just be honest with yourself, Nix nudged me.

Just sit with it for a minute and allow yourself to think about how you feel, Megan offered.

I sighed and closed my eyes tight as I sat with it. The waves of everything coming at me on all sides. I felt like I was drowning. “I feel like I can barely keep my head above the water right now. I’m struggling with the weight of it all, and I am trying to be upbeat and act like I have it all under control, but I don’t. Everything with Rowan nearly killed me.” I felt myself crumple. I dropped my head back into my hands, and my shoulders shook.

“Baby.” My mom tried to comfort me, but I held up my hand.

“I think I need to say it all.” I sat back. “It took me a long time to understand what he was doing and why. But it nearly killed me. And I have just gotten back on my feet only to realize that I have feelings for my friend. I am trying to save families, kids, friends. I am trying to take down Vince, Brandon, and the brotherhood. And now…” I shook my head. “Now I have to figure out everything and this.” I looked up at my mom. “I…”

“What is it?”

I want to be truthful, if only to myself. “I’m terrified.”

My mom squeezed my hand. “Why?”

“Because. What if he’s my mate?”

She smiled. “Then he’s your mate.” It was just that simple to her.

I shook my head. “He’s my mate that ripped my heart out, even if he was protecting me. He’s the man I can’t even look at because he is with her.”

“All that won’t matter, baby.” She grabbed my hand.

I sighed. “But what if he is my mate, and I can’t forgive him?” I looked at her. “What if the peace I feel now towards him is just something I made up in my mind, and as soon as I see him again, all the pain and hurt I felt comes rushing back?” I wiped away a tear.

“Baby, I’m telling you, it won’t matter.”

I wanted to yell at her. “You aren’t understanding me.”

She shook her head. “You aren’t understanding me.” She countered, and I growled, which she just laughed at.

“What if I can’t love him, Mom?” My stomach was a ball of panic. It rolled, and I wanted to puke.

“What?” She laughed.

“That’s my fear. What if he is my goddess-given mate, and after everything we did to each other? After all the pain, and hurt, and bullshit, all I am going to feel towards him is anger, or hatred… or nothing.”

My mom grabbed my face. “Being someone’s mate isn’t easy, but you are overthinking it. Do you remember when you found out Brandon was your mate in your last life?”

“Yes, why?”

“I need you to really think about it. You hated Brandon. Your entire childhood, throughout school, yet you mated him.” She looked at me. “Why do you think that is?”

“At the time? Because I knew I was meant to be with him, and nothing mattered before we were mated, only after.”

She nodded. “Exactly.” She poked me. “All this bull won’t matter. As the goddess tells us, what happened before the mate bond snaps in place fades away because we are beholden to no one until our mate.” She kissed me. “You are overthinking again.”