Chapter 445

“You can’t mean that.” I hit her arm, but she shook her head.

“You don’t understand. We handled you, but I was terrified you were going to die. Having a heat without a mate was bad enough, but adding your shattered heart on top of it nearly did kill you.” Her face was a mask of rage. “There were a few days where you refused to eat or drink. You whittled down to nothing.” She looked down at her hands. “When you came to, your wolves were fighting for your life, so you didn’t see much of a difference. But at the height of your heat, your heart stopped beating.” Toya met my eyes. “But even after all of that, I knew Rowan was doing it because he cared for you and didn’t want to ruin you.” She nodded as she sighed. “It took a long time for me to realize that.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Me too.” I sat back against the sofa. “It took almost a year for me to stop hating him. For the heat, for pulling away. And then the graduation happened, and I was flung back to the pain and anger I felt.” I rubbed my face. “I don’t know how I am going to face him…” I trailed off and then shook myself. “I don’t even know if he still cares about me. Or how Thoth feels.” I groaned. “Fuck, I don’t even know how I truly feel.”

“Well…” Toya stood, turned, and pulled me up. She turned me toward the stairs and pushed me. “Maybe you should go read those letters and figure it out.”

I stumbled to the stairs and stopped. I looked back at her. “I’m… terrified.”

She smiled softly at me. “Why?”

“Because what if I like Rowan and Thoth?” She laughed.

“Two men to pick from? Oh, no.” Toya waved her hands in the air. “Fuck, I’d be okay with just one.”

I laughed. “Not what I meant.”

Her face sobered up. “I know. But you are worrying about something happening that’s already happening.” She walked over to me and cupped my face. “You already like both men. And I know that sounds scary, but you can’t change it. You need to focus on how much you care about them… and how much they care about you.” I stiffened, and she laughed. “Stop worrying about it. First things first, read the letters. It will help you understand everything better… hopefully.” She spun me around and pushed me up the stairs.

“But Carly…”

“Is fine with us.” Toya laughed at me. “We all understand that you are busy until this is all over. We signed up for it. And Wendy and I explained it to Carly. As did you? As did your mom. She understands. We understand. Now get your ass upstairs and figure out if the man you love is on the same page.”

I wanted to puke. “What if he’s not?”

She softened her next words. “Then you fully move on, instead of this weird, wishy-washy thing you have been doing.” I chuffed, and she held up her hands. “It’s true, and you know it.” She leaned in and kissed my forehead. “You start to move on, and then you are sucked right back in.” She ran a hand down my hair. “A reason that had Wendy and I leaning toward Rowan being your mate. No matter what, he sucked you back in.” Then she laughed a little. “But not in the toxic human way in the movies. He just does it by being himself.” She turned me around to face the stairs. “Now go.”

I struggled to move. “But what if…”

Toya growled. “Then we face it. Now get your ass up these steps and stop being a pussy.”

I growled back but finally started up the stairs. Every stair, every step, was like moving through sludge.

Why are you so worried? Nix paced inside.

Megan chuckled. Probably for the same reason you are. Nix growled at her, but she just chuffed out a laugh. Megan was braver than she let on. She is worried that what she is about to read will change everything.

So? Nix looked back at me.

Megan sighed as she stood to run herself down the barrier. Or nothing.

What? Nix looked between us. What does that mean?

She is worried that what she is about to read will change everything for her, but change nothing about the outcome. Nix still looked confused. Megan sighed. What if what’s in these letters makes her fall in love with Rowan?

Then we get to be with Rowan and Erubus.

Megan nodded. Okay, but what if we can’t?

What? Nix sat down, trying to understand. That makes no sense.

Megan nodded. What if you find your mate? Or he finds his, and it’s not us? What if Amy reads these letters, and it changes absolutely nothing as she still wants nothing to do with them… then what?