Chapter 447

Amy,

I haven’t heard from you in a week. I hope you read my letter. I know it is stupid for me to think you will forgive me instantly, but I hope you will give me a minute to explain it to you. I’ve spent this last week getting updates every day from Sterling. I don’t know if I ever told you he is my cousin.

He told me you have been stuck in your apartment. I can’t help but worry about what you’re going through. Has your heat ended? Have you been looking for me? Have you called? I know the answer to the last one—it’s no, but I wish it was yes. I check my phone endlessly all day waiting for your message.

I even look for an email, anything to let me know what is going on.

I was too stupid to get Wendy’s or Toya’s number as I ran like a coward from your place. But your scent, goddess, your scent, was driving me crazy. It’s wrong, and still it was the most delicious scent I had ever smelled in my life.

I can’t sleep without dreaming of you.

I know you struggled with your heat, and I am so sorry. If we were a little less stupid, or had wolves a little less stubborn, this would have never happened. I would have never fallen in love with you, or maybe you would be smart enough not to like me. I don’t know.

I don’t know what to think or how to feel. What I do know is that I dream of you. Every day. I smell your skin in the air, taste your lips against mine. And then I wake up and you’re gone, a ghost.

You are haunting me, and I don’t ever want you to stop.

Goddess, save me.

Rowan

I toss the letter down and wipe my face. It was only the second one, and I can barely breathe. How am I supposed to do this? Read them all? But then I remember Megan’s words, and I grab the next letter. If he was brave enough to write them, I would read them.

Amy,

It’s been two weeks since I left you. I thought you had been ignoring me, but Sterling just told me you have come out of your heat after a week. A week? That is almost unheard of for wolves. For lycans it is pretty standard for a female in heat, but it lessens with their mate present.

What I wouldn’t give to be your mate.

I think about it sometimes. It’s stupid, I know. But I can’t stop running it through my mind. What it would mean if you were my goddess-given mate? I think I’ve lived our lives together a thousand times by now.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this to you, but I had this dream. I don’t even know if you can call it a dream. I think about it, dream about it even when I’m awake. It has become my newest obsession. I can barely make it through a meeting without our life unfolding like a story in my mind.

My mind has rewritten our meeting. How when I walked into the classroom and I spotted you? Instead of my heart stopping for a minute, and then I had to pretend to not be distracted. That my first thought about you wasn’t that you were the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Instead, I walked into the classroom, and your scent hit my nose, and I knew. You were meant to be mine.

I kicked everyone else out of the room, and I released my scent for you to recognize me as your other half.

We barely made it to our mating ceremony. I have pictured years with you. Our kids. So many kids.

But then someone speaks, and I’m back here. In this place where I left you when you needed me the most, and now I can’t see you. Can’t touch you. Can’t even hear your voice because it would rip me open.

Goddess, I am the worst kind of man there is. I have started to hate my wolf. His name is Erubus. I don’t think I ever told you about my wolf. I wanted to run with you so you could meet him, but we never had any time to.

I hate that. I hate that I never got to meet your wolf. Why did we never run together?

I’m rambling at this point, but the truth of it is that this is all I have to hold on to. Your father has started in with these new plans he wants to have a meeting about, and I have this pit in my stomach.

I wish I could come to your place and talk to you, but he’s sworn me to stay away. He says it’s better this way, but for who? It’s not me.

Rowan